Ealing Croquet Club

With the traditional season-opening fixture between Ealing and High Wycombe Croquet Clubs for the Lloyd Pratt Mallet being postponed due to coronavirus, Ealing had the temerity to claim that the match had in fact been played in virtual form, and that they had emerged the victors in a close-fought contest.

Various players then weighed in to assert that they had performed prodigious feats in the match, such as triple peels and running thirty-yard hoops.

Not to be outdone, High Wycombe made the witty riposte that they would be prepared to deliver a virtual mallet to Ealing in recognition of their ‘victory’.

Proof that, even if we are not able to indulge in our favourite pastime of ‘chess on grass’, we can still engage in a bout of verbal chess.

An honourable draw in this instance, methinks.